Independently in a relationship..
During my rare read of Cosmopolitan magazine, I was forced to review the idea of independence regarding women in relationships and those whom are not.u
Throughout one read I felt that maybe my own independence was being questioned due to reading article after article about ‘how to get over break ups’ and ‘how it’s best to be as single gal’. Of course there is reason to increase confidence and sense back into the unfortunately heartbroken and I do of course enjoy the odd ‘how to make him scream’ article, but what about those of us that are completely comfortable with our status within a relationship. I for one would love to see an article about those of us that don’t have to fight to the death for our own equality within our relationship. I,personally, don’t think I’ve heard of an article within a men’s magazine describing how to ‘please your woman’. Though I release this comment without in-depth research, I still feel like we are being forced to satisfy those who don’t need satisfying.
I may be contradicting myself here, but I think I may be fed up with reading about those who are content with pleasing others or those that need cheering up.What about those of us that enjoy pleasing ourselves?
I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 5 years and indeed I love my boyfriend, but I wouldn’t say that I was content with increasing his happiness every waking second. During the start of our relationship I was very reliant on him and we rarely did anything apart, but I have had to live away from him for 3 of these 5 years. University allowed me to get to know myself and discover the sort of person I wanted to be. I have done and still do things that don’t include him and I am content with doing more of this. Now, many girlfriends would state that I am being selfish, but why? Surely if you’re in love with someone then you want them to do whatever makes them happy. I know for a fact that he wouldn’t enjoy half of the things I set out to do, nor would I expect him to sit increasingly bored watching me tackle the world.
My point? Well, whilst I sit here reading my monthly dose of girly literature I have been faced with the point that I don’t fall into a category. Yes I am in a relationship, yes I have been heartbroken but no, I am not hell-bent on pleasing my man 100% of the time. Personally I don’t think I have the time to perform half of the acts I am expected to carry out. Personally I couldn’t care to do them either. Is he ok with it? Yes.
There are many women throughout the world that have kept on top of their careers, tackled heartbreak and eventually found their soul mate. They’re still on top of their careers. Why? Because they can. All of us can. Why shouldn’t we be concentrating on being successful? If we’re loved and supported by people that matter, then we should initially be at our happiest.
I am continually reading about women stating that they are way too busy to even look for love, but why can’t we do both? We’ve got time to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves in the office toilets over heartbreak, but we don’t have time to slip on a dress and let loose with the girls one Saturday night per month? It hardly seems irrational does it?
Rhetorical questions aside, I would personally rather read about a powerhouse woman who’s happy to give love a chance than women who are easily persuaded to listen to other bark on about how we should please our other halves. Surely listing all the aspects that you did ‘wrong’ will only make you slip straight back into that chocolate coma, strapped down by both Ben and Jerry.
You can be just as independent in a relationship as you can out of one. As soon as those hands and lips lock we find it hard to fathom the idea of sustaining our independence. Men help us enhance this factor, they do not hold us back.
Kurt Cobain once stated ‘Women are the future of rock music’. You can adapt this quote to your own self. Rock can be the world that guitar can be your success. Let’s face it, we don’t need to people please our way to the top.
JR
